Well, the long winter break is almost here (yay!). For many of us, this is a time when we spend more time at home with our children. This means it is a great opportunity to play together and unwind. It is also a great time to increase helpfulness at home. Conscious Discipline teaches us that children are naturally helpful, and that our brains include a reward center that is activated by feeling helpful and valuable. Allowing our children to be helpful is really important, but we often feel too rushed to let children do things for themselves. Here are some tips for increasing helpfulness at home:
Give yourself time: Allow extra time so children can complete things on their own. When you need to go somewhere, start getting ready even earlier so kids will have time to tie their own shoes, zip their own jackets, or pick out their own clothes. Change your language: Instead of referring to household tasks as chores, call them "helpful things". Instead of "What chores would you like to do?", you could say "What would you like to do to help your family today?" Then offer age appropriate choices. If your children are young, you may offer them visual choices. They may be able to point to pictures of laundry or beds to make their choices. Teach the task: We can't ask our children to do things they don't know how to do. Model for them, add visuals if needed, and allow them to practice. Also - don't have expectations for a chore to be completed exactly as you would do it or very neatly! For example, if they choose to make their own bed, and have followed the steps, resist the urge to straighten the covers until they are perfect. Allow them to feel that they have done it on their own! Raise your expectations: If you give them enough time and enough teaching, even young children can complete a variety of household tasks on their own! Conscious Discipline suggests that by the age of 4-5, children can clean their own room when the steps have been broken down for them, clear the table, load the dishwasher, carry groceries, sort laundry by color, vacuum, and help prepare food. Be patient: the goal is not for a task to be completed perfectly, or for your children to suddenly be able to help with every chore. The goal is for everyone in the family to experience the brain-boosting benefits of contributing meaningfully to their family. Notice: Notice their helpfulness using this formula. "You ____ so ____. That was helpful!" For example, "You helped with the dishes so we would have time to play a game together. That was helpful!" Or "You picked up your coat and backpack so no one would trip over them. That was helpful!" Make it fun: Add playfulness, maybe some music, and togetherness, and everyone will feel valued and happy! Consider the timing: Don't introduce a new helpful task when your child is excited about going to a friend's house. Choose a quiet, unhurried time, and talk about the importance and the joy of helping others. Be a helpful model: Model helpful behavior, and talk about it with your kids! Think about helpfulness outside the home, and allow your children to share in that. For example, "I am going to Grandma's to bring her dinner so she won't have to cook tonight. I'm being helpful!"
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AuthorHi, I'm Brie Krentz, and I'm the School Psychologist at HGECC. I care about the social, emotional, behavioral, and mental health of all of our children, and I believe in Conscious Discipline as a way to minimize behavior problems and to help children connect meaningfully with others. Archives
October 2021
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