Try this fun I Love You ritual, from the book I Love You Rituals by Dr. Becky Bailey. It would be a great addition to a bedtime routine, and you may be surprised how much your child will look forward to it and how much you both may enjoy it! Also, I Love You rituals can be changed in any way you want - make it your own.
Goodnight, Elbow! Tell your child "I'm going to say goodnight to your eyes, your nose, your hair, your chin, your elbows..." Choose any body part, and give kisses or squeezes as you go. Always include touch, eye contact, presence, and playfulness as part of any I Love You ritual or game. This should be both playful and relaxing for you and your child, and can be as silly or as quiet and calm as your child needs. Here is another one that could be a great addition to an after school routine. A fun connecting ritual like this one, used as part of an after school routine, could help eliminate after school restraint collapse and irritable moods in your children in the hours after school. Remember - a moment of connection primes a child's brain for willingness and calm! Guess What I'm Drawing/Writing Tell the child "I'm going to draw/write something. See if you can guess what it is!" You should then write or draw something on paper (or on your child's back!) that is easy for them to guess. Make the moment about the playfulness and the connection between you, not about a difficult guessing game. For a fun variation, try a game called "two on a pencil", in which you both hold the same pencil and the adult leads to draw a fun picture or message.
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Does your child seem moody or even angry after school? Does your child engage in behavioral temper tantrums at home, but never at school? Does your child's teacher tell you that your child is a little angel in the classroom, and you can't believe it is the same child you see in the afternoon when they get home? There is a real phenomenon, often known as "after-school restraint collapse", in which children seem to work hard to manage their behaviors and feelings all day, and to completely let it all out once they get home. Here are some things you should know...
After-school restraint collapse is normal, and it is actually an adaptive skill. If children have awareness that they need to behave and hold everything together in a social setting, and that they can release stress in their home setting where they receive unconditional love - this is a good thing! It means that they have good social awareness, awareness of school rules and norms, and a sense of security in their home settings. After-school restraint collapse is most common in the first weeks of school as your child is adjusting. They may diminish as your child adapts to new places and routines. Work to ensure that your child gets plenty or downtime, rest, and healthy nutrition during this time! It is the comfort and unconditional love of the home setting that can trigger a release of stress, often in the form of tears, anger, or meltdowns. When you notice after-school restraint collapse meltdowns, try to listen to your child and comfort your child, but also try to give them a quiet, comfortable space to be alone. This would be an excellent time to utilize a Conscious Discipline safe place in your home. You may also want to try using an after school Conscious Discipline I Love You ritual. Maybe you could have a special greeting, song, or other ritual to engage in right after school. This would give your child a special moment of connection that would prime his or brain for calm. As a busy parent, the moments right after school may be busy and stressful for you as well. But try to avoid scheduling anything during this time so that you can be present with your child. Avoid answering phone calls, texts, and emails during this time. Wait a little while before jumping into chores or dinnertime. Use this time to share a snack, a book, or play, and you will be rewarded by having calm and content children when you start the evening's chores! Practice a simple, calming breathing ritual when your child is in a calm state. Then you can remind them to use it when they are feeling upset. Model using it yourself, and the calming breaths will also help you to handle your child's upset in a calm, empathetic state. Children may not have the cognitive awareness or language to tell you what is bothering them. But you can still offer your presence and playfulness, which are like therapy for the child's soul! Remember this quote, attributed to Lawrence J. Cohen: Children don't say, "I had a hard day at school today; can I talk to you about it?" They say, "Will you play with me?" |
AuthorHi, I'm Brie Krentz, and I'm the School Psychologist at HGECC. I care about the social, emotional, behavioral, and mental health of all of our children, and I believe in Conscious Discipline as a way to minimize behavior problems and to help children connect meaningfully with others. Archives
October 2021
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